Learn CONTROL When Arguing with Your Teen
No matter what your family calls them, heated conversations, debates, or arguments, all parents will agree that they happen with more frequency – and sometimes more explosively – as our children grow older. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s really more of a normal thing for the life stage your teenager is in. The problem is that it starts before we are prepared.
At the onset of adolescents our children begin to see things in shades of gray, not in the black and white you have been setting down for them since they were born.
This causes them to question you, which in turn leads to heated conversations, debates, or arguments. Before you know it, there are a lot of hurt feelings floating around.
As your child grows, you too must grow. Start by accepting that your child has a need to question you and test you in order to do some of that growing. Learn how to handle these times with this suggestion from SAMHSA: When you get angry, try to remember the word CONTROL.
At the onset of adolescents our children begin to see things in shades of gray, not in the black and white you have been setting down for them since they were born.
This causes them to question you, which in turn leads to heated conversations, debates, or arguments. Before you know it, there are a lot of hurt feelings floating around.
As your child grows, you too must grow. Start by accepting that your child has a need to question you and test you in order to do some of that growing. Learn how to handle these times with this suggestion from SAMHSA: When you get angry, try to remember the word CONTROL.
- Change your attitude; begin by moderating the tone of your voice. Remember that we also teach by example. If your child sees that you can calm down when you are angry, he/she will understand that you expect him/her to behave the same way in similar situations.
Observe what makes you feel angry.
No need to say hollow words that hurt and confuse your child. Disapprove of the behavior, not of your child.
Take time to calm down before you continue to speak (count to ten, breathe deeply, leave the room, or go for a walk).
Resolve the problem the best way you can. Once you have calmed down, look at what happened and decide how to handle it appropriately.
Opt to correct and discipline your children with love, without hurting them or yourself.
Lashing out is not acceptable. Anger is not an excuse. When you are angry with your children, learn how to handle it in an appropriate and loving way and teach them to do the same.
Parenting Quizzes for Parents of Teens
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