A Parenting Dilemma - When You Don"t Like Your Child"s Friends
Sometimes our kids choose friends who we simply don't get along with or who 'push' our buttons.
Our reaction can vary from mild discomfort which we simply keep to ourselves to extreme disapproval which we firmly express to our kids (and sometimes to their friends!).
Either ends of this scale do not serve us or our kids well.
By ignoring the discomfort that we feel we're missing an opportunity to dig deep and let go of some judgements around ourselves, while outright 'disapproval' is harmful for everyone involved.
Our judgements of others are always reflections of parts of our self that we are judging, usually in a different context.
For example if really rude people 'annoy me' there's a good chance that I'm quite often rude as well, however I express it in a different way that may not be so obvious to me.
So the first step when we do not like or approve of one of our children's friends is to name and feel the judgements coming up around the friend concerned.
You can do this now.
* Think of one of your child's friends who you have in the slightest negative emotional reaction to sometimes.
* Now, right down the judgements that come up e.
g.
Jack is lazy, rude a show off..
..
etc.
(it's important to write this down not just think about it.
* Then own the judgements eg.
I too am lazy, rude and a show off sometimes.
Explore the ways in which you can express these qualities you don't like in your child's friends.
* Affirm and feel yours' and your child's friends' worthiness of love and respect by saying to yourself: 'Even though we can be lazy, rude and show-off we are still worthy of love and respect.
* Stay present and feel your negative feelings towards yourself and your child's friend dissolve.
Having released our negativity, the next step is to make sure that we are honouring our values when we around our children's friends.
Sometimes parents feel uncomfortable maintaining their boundaries around other people's kids.
It's essential when your kid's friends are around you and your home, that you continue be in charge, grow your values, and enjoy your kids and their friends.
It's much easier to do this once we've let go any judgements.
Once you let go of any emotional negativity, and accept the responsibility of honouring your values, you need to give yourself permission to not like or not encourage your children to see friends who have very different values to your own.
This may mean sitting down with your child or teen and simply being honest about the values of your family and the conflicting values of their friends.
At this stage it's not about being 'moral' or 'right' it's simply being honest about the differences.
Remember every relationship that comes into your life is an opportunity to let go of your own limiting beliefs or judgements, clarify your values and maintain your boundaries.
By clicking on this link you can watch a video or listen to an mp3 about What To Do If You Don't Like Your Child's Friends [http://www.
theliberatedparent.
com/page/14235/default.
asp]
Our reaction can vary from mild discomfort which we simply keep to ourselves to extreme disapproval which we firmly express to our kids (and sometimes to their friends!).
Either ends of this scale do not serve us or our kids well.
By ignoring the discomfort that we feel we're missing an opportunity to dig deep and let go of some judgements around ourselves, while outright 'disapproval' is harmful for everyone involved.
Our judgements of others are always reflections of parts of our self that we are judging, usually in a different context.
For example if really rude people 'annoy me' there's a good chance that I'm quite often rude as well, however I express it in a different way that may not be so obvious to me.
So the first step when we do not like or approve of one of our children's friends is to name and feel the judgements coming up around the friend concerned.
You can do this now.
* Think of one of your child's friends who you have in the slightest negative emotional reaction to sometimes.
* Now, right down the judgements that come up e.
g.
Jack is lazy, rude a show off..
..
etc.
(it's important to write this down not just think about it.
* Then own the judgements eg.
I too am lazy, rude and a show off sometimes.
Explore the ways in which you can express these qualities you don't like in your child's friends.
* Affirm and feel yours' and your child's friends' worthiness of love and respect by saying to yourself: 'Even though we can be lazy, rude and show-off we are still worthy of love and respect.
* Stay present and feel your negative feelings towards yourself and your child's friend dissolve.
Having released our negativity, the next step is to make sure that we are honouring our values when we around our children's friends.
Sometimes parents feel uncomfortable maintaining their boundaries around other people's kids.
It's essential when your kid's friends are around you and your home, that you continue be in charge, grow your values, and enjoy your kids and their friends.
It's much easier to do this once we've let go any judgements.
Once you let go of any emotional negativity, and accept the responsibility of honouring your values, you need to give yourself permission to not like or not encourage your children to see friends who have very different values to your own.
This may mean sitting down with your child or teen and simply being honest about the values of your family and the conflicting values of their friends.
At this stage it's not about being 'moral' or 'right' it's simply being honest about the differences.
Remember every relationship that comes into your life is an opportunity to let go of your own limiting beliefs or judgements, clarify your values and maintain your boundaries.
By clicking on this link you can watch a video or listen to an mp3 about What To Do If You Don't Like Your Child's Friends [http://www.
theliberatedparent.
com/page/14235/default.
asp]
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